idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It was confusing and full of hummus
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
