Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
