It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize