hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize