its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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