Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
