On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
