I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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