There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
