i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
