so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
