So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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