SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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