woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
