Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
