And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
