listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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