I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
