yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
