Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
