Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
BRING THE BAGELS
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize