It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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