I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I came so hard my ears popped.
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