Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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