True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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