its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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