tell your sister to shave her snatch
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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