Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
