imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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