I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
