Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
