What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
