Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
