My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
