the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Small penises have feelings too.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
