Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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