Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
