apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
