I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize