Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
