Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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