I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
