he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
