My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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