What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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