Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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