He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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