i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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