Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So vagazzling was a success
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
