you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
