3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
