overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
