We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
