Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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