I'm really into asian looking animals
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
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