Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
