Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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