never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
