I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
