so that wasnt chicken after all
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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