Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
