Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
