I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
