I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
