my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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