Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
