You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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