census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
