ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
