You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
