HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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