guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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