I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
