Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
